Renesmee's Sleepover
by Rose Tyler
Summary: Renesmee is having a sleepover for her birthday. Emmett and Jacob just can't resist a few pranks, though.
1. Prologue

"Oh… oh… they'll be here any time now!" Alice sang, running around the living room dusting the paces she'd already dusted twelve times—in the last five minutes, that was. They could hear Esme out in the kitchen, rushing around trying to tidy up the already tidy, spotless room, scrubbing all of the surfaces furiously, though of course they were already spotless. "How does it look in here? Good? Oh no, no, this is no good at all…"

"Alice, relax," said Emmet from the couch. "I can see my face in the wall – and I didn't even think that was possible.

"Yeah, well I also didn't think it was possible that vampires could be real, or that when I was sixteen I would suddenly change into an immortal werewolf and imprint on a half-vampire that rapidly ages and is now having a sleepover with nine of her closest friends." Jacob said from the other end of the couch. "I've learned to expect a lot of weird shit."

Emmet laughed, and Alice just scowled at them. "Why are you two just sitting there? Help us clean up!"

"Alice, if there was anything that needed to be cleaned up, then we'd happily oblige," Emmet told her.

"I know something that you can clean up," Rosalie started, walking into the room.

"Shove it up your ass," Jacob suggested. Rosalie's eyes narrowed as everyone else stifled their laughter.

"No, dog, I was referring to the fact that we haven't had time to brush you or help you with your drooling problem, so you're going to have to stay outside from now on… anyway, you two need to clean up your acts for when the girls are here," she said, now focusing on the both of them on the couch.

"Why, my dearest love, whatever do you mean by that?" Emmet asked in a perfect mimic of Edward.

They heard a huff from the doorway, turning to see Edward and Bella standing there, returned with the cake and various other part supplies.

"Oh, good! Bella, help me put the balloons around the place," Alice told her, and the two of them ran around doing that.

"So…" Edward looked at Emmet.

"So…" Emmet replied.

"You were just mocking me again?"

"No, dearest Edward."

"Can we please get back on subject here?" Rosalie asked. "By cleaning up our act, I mean no swearing, no perverted jokes, no touching any of them—"

"Yeah Emmet, don't _touch_ the little girls," Jacob said with a serious expression. "you'll get sued for rape and locked up for the rest of your life."

"Well that could take a while," Emmet grinned.

Just then, the front door swung open.

"They're here!" Alice cheered.

"They're _heeere_…" Jacob echoed in a demented whisper.


	2. Part 1

Oh my gosh, thank you guys so much! It was only up for like, 2 hours, and I got 5 reviews, loads of favorites and story alert… thanks for that! Okay, well in this chapter, I'm going to randomly start saying names. For instance, Beth. If it's not one of the characters from the book, then I made her up, and she's supposed to be one of Renensmee's friends just randomly saying something. Just though I should clarify that. lol Hope you guys like this one! Review!

* * *

Emmet was up by the door in a flash. The first girl to walk in the door was a short girl with dark hair, who he picked up and hugged tightly (for a human), swung her around as the others walked in and as she screamed in alarm.

"Oh, we're going to have so much fun, girls!" her squealed in a girly voice.

"Emmet, put… her… down," Renesmee growled at him. She was standing a few feet away from him, hands on her hips, trying to suppress a smile.

"It's okay," the girl laughed, "I like getting hugs from strange guys. Especially cute ones." She batted her eyelashes at him, then laughed again.

"Emmet, remember what I told you earlier," Jacob warned with a grin. Most of the girls began eyeballing him.

Renesmee growled quietly. "That one's mine," she said as she pointed at Jacob.

He smiled as Seth walked into the room. All of the girls said hi ti him, as he was in their grade.

"Okay, so these two," Alice pointed to Jacob and Emmet, "are seniors, and guys, so they will love to pick on you. If they bother you at all, we will get them." Her soft, peppy voice turned menacing at the last part. The guys just laughed at her. She turned back to the girls. "Esme, Leah, and Bella are upstairs finishing up the room. Come on!" She danced up the stairs, and they all followed after her.

Emmet held his pinkie and thumb up to his ear and mouthed "call me" to the dark-haired girl.

Rosalie smacked him as the girl looked away.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the girls had their stiff spread around throughout a circular room with part of the wall glass, overlooking the forest, the rest painted a calming lavender shade. Alice and Rosalie had set up five tables exactly like the ones you'd find in a salon, including all the usual hair products and more, plus makeup. The tables wrapped around the circular wall right next to the door. There were bags and bowls of all sorts of junk food stacked neatly in a wraparound shelf next to the glass part of the wall. All of the girls were sitting at various places in the room, playing Truth or Dare.

"Annette," said Renesmee, referring to the girl Emmet had been flirting with. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare, of course!" Annette exclaimed.

Renesmee had an evil grin on her face. "I dare you to put a handful of Doritos between two brownies, and then add some sour cream and whipped cream on top."

"Eew!" Hayley said. Everybody laughed.

Annette looked brave as she went over and made the nasty treat. She kept on her brave face, but disgust was showing underneath it. She took a bite and chewed thoughtfully, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Taste like chicken?" Bella asked.

"No… more like… two brownies with Doritos between them smeared with sour cream and whipped cream."

Everyone laughed and gagged.

"Mmm, I want a bite!" Emmet's voice suddenly said from behind them.

Jacob followed closely behind, picking up an issue of J-14 and eying over the cover. "OH MY GAWD! EMMET!"

Emmet's head whipped around. "What??"

"Miley and Selena—feuding again!" Jacob's face was a mask of mock horror.

Emmet mirrored Jacob's expression. "OH NOOOOOO! Well Miley's gonna win!"

"Psh, you wish! Selena rocks!" Jacob shot back.

"Dude—"

"Out!" Esme yelled, laughing along with everyone else as she ushered them out. She shut the door behind them.

The door was opened a few minutes later. Seth walked in. "Watcha doin?" he asked. He sat down in the makeup chair. All of the girls looked at each other and grinned.

* * *

Two hours later, Seth was beautiful. He had on green lipstick with green ye shadow and mascara. His hair was short, but long enough to put up in a Mohawk, to which was sprayed green with sparkles in it.

Edward walked in as soon as they were done. He took one look, laughed, and suddenly had a digital camera in his hands, snapping a few pictures (which the girls had done already).

"Hey Seth, you look really pretty," Edward smirked.

"Edward, are you coming on to me?" Seth asked, scooting further back in his chair.

Edward just laughed, took another picture, and walked out of the room.

Seth stood up. "Well, thanks for the makeover, ladies. I'm going cruisin for some hotties."

They all began working on each other, doing their makeup really weird and making freaky hair styles.

After a while, Jacob and Emmet were back. Jacob had a black shirt on that said, "Team Selena" across the front, Emmet with a white one that said "Team Miley".

Nice shirts," Beth told them.

"Thanks," they said in unison.

"TEAM MILEY!" Emmet screamed after a few moments of silence.

Renesmee smirked. "Emmet, nobody likes her."

"Why?"

"Because she's a whore, she poses naked, she's dating a guy that is way too old for her, and she's encouraging little girls to work on corners. Etc, etc."

"Oh…. Oh… harsh!" Emmet made a face like he was about the cry. "LEAVE MILEY ALONE!"

"Jacob, I want one of those shirts so that Emmet will cry," Renesmee laughed.

"Here, take this one." He took off his shirt and threw it at her face, turning and walking out of the room.

"Ooh," all the girls chorused.

"Hey, you guys want a strip tease?" Emmet asked.

"Out!" Esme shoved him out the door again. "You two go work in the garage on the cars or something." All of the girls looked sad.

"Hey, I think I left something in my car. B-R-B," Chelsea said. Jackie went with her.

They went back to Truth or Dare. Just as Elena was about to drink toilet water five minutes later, Chelsea and Jackie came running back into the room.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH guys!!" Jackie gasped out.

"What??" They all jerked their heads around.

"We just went out to the car, and the garage door was open, and your brother Emmet was holding up a CAR!"

* * *

Ooh, uh oh. How will they get out of this one? And I'm really sorry if you didn't like it. As for the Disney thing... I hate hearing about all that Disney crap, I just thought it would be sort of funny to have them mocking the whole thing. Review!


	3. Part 3

They all froze, the Cullen Girls' and Leah's faces frozen in horror.

"Oh, you probably imagined it ," Leah rushed out. "I mean, seriously, holding up a CAR?" she started to laugh, and a few of the other girls joined in.

Jackie and Chelsea weren't buying it.

Rosalie stood up. "Lets all go have a look, alright?" She walked out of the room, and all of the girls followed her. She shouted as she approached the garage, "Emmet, Chelsea and Jackie say they saw you holding up a car."

They entered the garage.

Emmet had his hands up, with a car balanced on them. Jacob was standing under the car with some sort of tool (as if any of the girls knew what it was) and Jasper was perched on the workbench.

The three of them laughed.

"Oh, yeah, look, aren't I strong?" Emmet snorted. "And look, I can also make it levitate!" He removed his hands from the bottom of the car, revealing a strong metal pole holding up the car, which his right arm was covering up.

"Oh!" everyone burst into laughter of relief. Chelsea and Jackie looked embarrassed.

"Okay, girls, let's go back upstairs, "Esme told them. "We'll leave Emmet to his weight-lifting cars."

* * *

The girls were sitting in the "Lavender Room" as they nicknamed it,talking about people from school and celebrity guys that they liked when they heard music coming from up above them.

_I kill, kill, kill little girls_

_I kill, kill, kill, little girls_

_It's such a thrill, thrill, thrill to the world_

_When I kill, kill, kill little girls_

The girls all looked at each other.

"Be right back," Alice said. A few seconds later they heard the music stop, two bangs, one "ouch!" and a bellowing laugh.

"Stop trying to scare the girls! I know you two are psychos—"

The music started back up

_I'm a psycho!  
Woah!  
I'm a psycho!  
Woah!_

It stopped.

Bang.

"oow!"

"Jacob, stop it!"

"You just hit me!"

"Anyway, keep it quiet up here!" she hissed.

"Ooh, are they talking about boys?" Emmet asked in a mock sarcastic voice.

"No, they're talking about how many people they've burnt at the stake."

"ha…. Ha ha…" Jacob forced in a sarcastic tone.

It was quiet.

Music started back up.

_Don't you come near me.  
Don't come close to me._

"STOP IT!" Two more thumps. The sound of something

(_cd player_)

smashing. A door slammed.

Alice walked back into the room. It was abnormally quiet upstairs.

"Party on!" she shouted.

* * *

By 2 am they were all sound asleep.

The ones who _could_ sleep, anyway. The others had gone out for some late-night hunting.

But Jacob and Emmet were awake.

"_AHHHHHH!"_

"_EEEEEEEEK!"_

"_MY HAIR!"_

"_OH MY GOSH!"_

Many screams rang out in the morning. The girls woke up to find themselves covered in toilet paper and silly string, food stuffed into their sleeping bags, toothpaste next to some of their faces on their pillows. Annette had a number with "Emmet" written next to it sharpied onto her arm.

"Emmet… Jacob…" Renesmee hissed.

They were all sitting at the table eating a breakfast that Edward had cooked up. A total buffet of eggs, pancakes, bacon, galore. Emmet walked into the kitchen, closely followed by Jacob.

"Come here," Renesmee said, motioning for Jacob to get closer to her. He walked over and stood beside her. She quietly said into his ear, "I know it was you." He looked confused.

"Was me what?" He showed no sign that he knew anything about it. Because Jacob Black could lie with a straight face.

"It was you and Emmet who trashed our room, and I just wanted to let you know, that we will get you back."

He laughed. Walked out the door.

"Emmet. We know. You'd better watch out, because we will get you when you least expect it." Renesmee threatened, and all her friends nodded.

"Bring it," he laughed, following after Jacob.


	4. Part 4

I'd like to thank **Bella Cullen 1 **for the idea of the big final revenge prank. I know I sort of twisted what she said, and then I took the basic idea from one of my favourite comedy shows and mixed them together... but I hope it's still good…

* * *

"There's silly string in my hair!" Complained Annette.

"At least there's not whipped cream all over you!" Katie complained, wiping her hair down with a damp paper towel. "Why'd your brothers only cover me in it, anyway?"

All of the other girls glanced at each other, and then shrugged.

"It was you guys, wasn't it?"

Renesmee grinned her heart-stopping, angelic smile. "You fell asleep first…"

They all sat on the floor laughing for a few minutes.

Esme poked her head in the door. 'Hey, girls, if you wanted to plan revenge, Jacob and Emmett are outside with their brothers playing paint ball." She paused for a moment. "Those poor trees…" she muttered, looking out the wall over the forest.

"All right, Mrs. Cullen," Megan said, "Play nice, right?"

"Oh, no, honey. Playing dirty is much more fun and vengeful."

They all started at her in awe.

"So would you like my help?" She sat down next to Alice, crossing her legs.

Annette looked at Renesmee. "Okay, you officially have the coolest mom ever."

Renesmee glanced quickly at Bella, who was trying to stifle a laugh. "I know," Renesmee told her friend. "Hey… I just had a great idea for revenge." Her smile grew so big with evilness that everybody couldn't help but laugh.

"What is it, I'm afraid to ask?" Alice asked her.

"Call Charlie…"

"Who's Charlie?" Katie questioned.

"My uncle," Bella said. Charlie had moved with them to stay closer to Bella and Renesmee, and had begun working for the police department there. They claimed him her uncle to avoid questions of guardianship.

"Oh.. Well why him?" Beth asked.

"Because he's a police chief…" Renesmee started off into space, grinning, as her friends and family all watched in fear.

The girls walked outside towards the garage to begin their revenge. With them they carried two huge purple duffel bags.

They heard Emmett scream, and then saw him fall out of a tree. He was covered head to toe in paint spatters. They heard Jacob laughing from in the trees. A shot of green shot out and hit him square in the chest, splattering all over his chest.

"I'll get you for that!" Emmett cried. He turned to avenge himself when he spotted them. He got a curious expression. "What's with those duffel bags, and where are you taking them?"

Bella quickly said, "They're trash. Dumpsters." and they went into the garage, followed by his eyes.

"But why would you throw away- AAARGH! Who declared open fire on me?" He was being splattered with paint-balls from all directions. He ran off into the trees, screaming a battle cry.

"Okay, so which one do you think they are more likely to take…?" Rosalie asked.

* * *

The girls were sitting in the kitchen painting their nails and talking when Emmett, Jacob, Seth, Edward, and Jasper came walking into the house. They all had paint covering their clothes, paint in Emmett and Seth's hair. Jacob and Jasper were the cleanest, which is to say, they looked as if they had only been splattered with twenty buckets of paint.

"I should have known… but when they all gang up on you for half an hour…" Edward shook his head and started up the staircase. Seth followed.

"Yeah, I need a shower," Jasper moaned. "I probably look terrible."

Alice smiled sweetly. "You look great, as usual."

"Yep, he's got the Jazzle-Dazzle," Jacob said, keeping his expression straight for a moment, and then grinning. Everyone burst out laughing. Jasper scowled, but as he headed up the stairs, everyone non-human caught a smile out of the corner of their eyes.

Renesmee looked at Jacob and Emmett. "I hate you two."

"Anyone want a hug?" Emmett asked, holding out his paint-coated arms.

"Out!" she pointed at the stairs. When he had finally left, she leaned over and whispered to Bella, "have you called Charlie?" Bella nodded, and they all smiled.

"Too bad Leah's going to miss this. I can't believe she signed up for a class on Saturday. She would have loved to be here for this." Rosalie tsk tsk'd.

Twenty minutes later, Jacob and Emmett walked down the stairs, clean with fresh clothes. They headed for the living room when Esme stood up. "could you two do me a favour, please?"

"Sure, sure…" Jacob said.

"What?" Emmett asked in an accusatory voice.

"We need some stuff from the store. Would you two please go get it for me?" Of course, nobody could tell Esme no.

"Yeah," Emmett said.

"Thank you!" She smiled and handed him a list.

* * *

**Out in the Garage**

Emmett and Jacob took the Austin Martin Vanquish, since they were working on both of their cars.

"Why does she need all of this random stuff?" Jacob questioned, raising his eyebrows in deep thought as he sat down in the passengers seat.

"I don't know." Emmett said, putting the keys into the ignition. "Girl stuff."

"Freaks."

"Coming from Wonder Dog…"

"Coming from Glitter Boy…"

"Coming from the Big Bad Wolf…"

"Coming from Dracula on steroids…"

"Coming from… a dog." Emmett retorted lamely.

"Funny you'd call me that, considering the fact that you're Rosalie's bitch."

"I am not… yeah, that was a good one. You win."

"Mhm…"

Emmett opened his mouth, as if to say more, but before he could say anything, Jacob told him, 'Morso mi." At Emmett's confused glance, he translated. "Bite me, fang boy."

"You'd be poisoned."

"Ain't nothing but a good time."

Emmett laughed, and once more, before he could say a word, he was interrupted, this time by a siren. "What's that?"

"Are they following us?" Jacob looked out the back window. The cop was motioning for them to pull over. "Pull over. See what the fuck he wants."

Emmett pulled over slowly. The officer pulled over too. He got out and began to approach them. He looked young, maybe thirty, with short-cropped blond hair and the typical police officer uniform. His expression said that whatever he was pulling them over for, it probably wasn't just speeding or a tail light out.

"Floor it," Jacob said. "He'll never catch us."

Emmett laughed but remained still. He rolled down his window. "License and registration, please keep your hand out where I can see them." The officer told them.

"May I ask what you are pulling us over for, officer?" Emmett asked.

"Don't play games with me, son. You know that this car has been reported stolen."

Emmett looked genuinely surprised. "Stolen? No, you must have the wrong car, this is our family car, we-"

"Um, Emmett? The registration isn't in the glow compartment." Jacob looked equally as confused.

"No, it has to be, that's where I left it last time I drove this…" Emmett pulled out his wallet to look for his license, and written in it was a note in girly scrawl, the familiar handwriting of Renesmee Carlie Cullen. It read, "this gets worse."

"Um, I'm sorry officer, our sisters must be playing a prank…"

"No excuses, son. You two will have to come with m-" there was a distinct thumping sound coming from the trunk. "What is that?"

"Um, we don't know…" Jacob told him.

"Out of the car, the both of you!" The officer pulled his gun out of its holster. Jacob and Emmett shot each other expression of confusion and other mixed emotions. The officer opened the trunk and saw two big, squirming purple duffle bags inside.

"I saw the girls carrying these out to the garage earlier…" Emmett muttered.

The officer unzipped the duffel bags to find none other than Alice and Bella inside of each of the bags.

"Oh, officer, thank you so much for finding us, we have been in there for hours!" Alice exclaimed, crawling out of the trunk. "It was getting so hard to breath, and we were hungry, and scared…"

"Are the two of you all right?" The officer asked. The girls nodded, keeping on their masks of fear, confusion, and relief. "Is this your car?"

"Yes, they put us in those-" Bella pointed to the duffel bags, "when they came to steal the car. Can we please take it home now? Our parents will be terribly worried."

"Yes, of course you can. But first, do you ladies want to press charges?"

"Um… just lock them up for a while. They just need to learn their lesson." Alice said, looking at the boys on that last part.

"Wait, wait. These are out sisters. They're just playing a prank on us, aren't you two?" Silence. "Right?"

"Leave us alone, you creep!" Alice told him. The girls got into the car.

"You two come with me. Back seat. Now." The officer opened the back door and motioned for them to get in.

"This is unbelievable!" Jacob moaned.

"You had it coming," Alice said back, too quietly for the human officer to hear. "Esme will get the two of you tonight after the girls have gone home. Have a good day!" she giggled.

* * *

Eight hours later, Esme walked into the house, followed closely by Jacob and Emmett. Esme kept on an ashamed expression, but Edward and Jasper could both tell that she found this quite humorous.

When Jacob saw Alice, Bella, Rosalie, and Renesmee, he glared at them. Why?" He asked.

"Why what?" Alice responded in an innocent voice.

Once Esme was out of the room, Renesmee looked at them with a smug smile. "Revenge."

"Obviously you are quite proud of yourself." Jacob growled.

"Yes, yes I am."

Emmett punched the wall, leaving a hole in it. "Do you know how hard it was to sit in there knowing that we could escape, but not wanting the officers to know that we have super strength? And that we needed to get home for revenge?"

"I think you were owned, babe. There is no beating that." Rosalie crowed.

"That's what you think," Jacob said. He walked towards the stairs. "I'm going to bed."

Emmett simply scowled, and then turned and stormed back out to the garage."

"That was fun, really fun. We should do it again sometime. Sometime real soon." Renesmee smiled gleefully. "I'm going to bed too. Going to harass Jacob some more."

Over the next few weeks, many many terrible things happened to the girls. One day Rosalie stated, "Let's not ever try to get them back again." Bella and Alice nodded. Esme smiled.

"I can not believe I missed that." Leah frowned. "Next time you have a sleepover, I will not go to any classes."

Renesmee came running into the room. "Hey, can I have another sleepover?"

"NO!" They heard Jacob and Emmett scream in unison.

Esme smiled and opened her mouth to respond...


End file.
